omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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