dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
