im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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