all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
