You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
