Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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