HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Come share oat with me in your robe
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
