I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
