ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
