he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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