I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
