..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
