Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
