i permit you to call me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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