I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
50% drunk capacity currently
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
