rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
