Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ttyl tear gas
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
