My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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