i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
