but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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