Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
