Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
