You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
