I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
