True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize