i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he had hair everywhere except his balls
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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