You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am one with the molecules
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize