Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
