so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
