i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
