Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
