I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
