You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
