$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize