I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
