Nicole vs. Life
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
