time to smoke my breakfast
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize