i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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