it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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