We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
