a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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