My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
