how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
