her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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