How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
