I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
