a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My vagina just recognized that song.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
