You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
