If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
