when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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