i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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