you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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