On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
