I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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