Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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