There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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