I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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