how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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