If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
