We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
