Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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