youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
