So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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