I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
