My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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