dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
