My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i came on her dog
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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