Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
