Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
