I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
