I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
