I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
