alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
