Welp...herpes.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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