You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
