Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
