Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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