Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize