you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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