You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
