How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
