If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
