Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
