I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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