If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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