After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
