I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
