He kissed a someone with a penis
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
