i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
