dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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