so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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