Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
