I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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