she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize