ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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