you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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