you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
