i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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